Dear Cancer, 

You cant have this one! I have known you for far too long. You seeped into my life in brutal, drawn out fashion years ago. You took my dear friend, my laughter and joy in 2006. Before you took her, you tormented her body for years, but you were never able to touch her soul. She fought, smiling and laughing..you did not win.

You took another sweet friend, a woman far too young to be in your clutches. You didnt torment her for long. You were quick, quiet and brutal. No one remembers you though. We only remember her smile and we have her sons, carrying on her spirit. You did not win. 

You have struck another, a gentle spirit surrounded by massive love. You have struck hard and viciously and quickly. I know differently now though. I know that love, and the energy that love brings, can conquer. We simply do not, and will not, allow you to exist ANYWHERE. Our belief in the healing power of love is so much greater than your insipid hold. You are no match for our collective strength. 

Whatever it takes, whatever tools we must use, to strike you down-make no mistake-you stand no chance! So cancer, tonight as I close my eyes to hold the tears in I will see what IS..and you are not there. You cant have this one. You will not win.

For Carol and Jennifer-for my angels I send my strength to Gabe.

The Point of Power

There is so much in the news lately-gun control, the Pope resigns, the economy, Newtown, an enraged ex cop in CA. If we let it, it could consume us. But if we don't let it consume us, we free ourselves..we change the exact circumstance that we would have let take over our life.

Every day many of us wake up and check our Facebook news feed. How many of the posts are negative-someone has a cold, or they are complaining about the state of the world, or just that today might be a certain day of the week? Many people are so consumed by problems and the outside world, that they are simply paralyzed into inaction. They simply cannot see another way. However, "when there is a problem, there is not something to do, there is something to know." (Dr Raymond Charles Barker)

This is what I know-I get to have whatever I choose to think. If I continually focus on the negative and on problems, then that is what I get to have. What we think about, we bring about. When we consciously send out love and light into the world, then that is what we draw back to ourselves. Personally, Id rather know that I am drawing in love and light instead of hate and darkness and conflict. 

The point of power is always in the present moment. We are not stuck in the past. We do not project into the future. It is this moment, right here, right now where our power lie. We are not helpless to affect change..in fact we ARE the change. Whatever I choose to believe becomes true for me. Try it. If I wake up each day and believe it is a crummy day, it will be. There is no doubt about that. 

I wake up each day declaring that today is my best day yet. And guess what? I have yet to be proven wrong.  And Im very sure I wont be.

For many years I was a news addict. I checked the news easily 25 times a day, on the internet, on tv, in the newspaper. I read the same stories, told from a different perspective, over and over. I filled my mind and my consciousness with what was mostly negative information. Then..I woke up. I stopped watching the news on a regular basis. I now only buy a newspaper once every couple of weeks. And those times that I do, I end up usually throwing it away without reading it. I am still very well informed. The difference is that my mind is not filled each moment of each day with negative news..It is a proven fact that a steady diet of news of the world will change a persons' emotional thought process. When I stopped feeding my mind with this news, I felt a change physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is very freeing. 

What we put in our minds first thing in the morning sets the tone for our day. What we hear and watch at the end of the day is what rests in our subconscious as we sleep. When I realized this, I realized that CNN was not the first and last thing I needed to hear or see upon waking or before going to sleep. 

When we are at peace(and world news does not evoke peaceful thoughts), we can spread peace throughout our day. To effect real change in the world, it will take this shift..a shift in our collective consciousness. It will take an awakening to make a real difference.

The point of power is now..today, this moment. 

One Year Later..Colorado Reflections..

It has been 13 months since I landed, unsteady and unsure of many things, in the mountains of Colorado. I had, at the time, what seemed a simple goal-to make a new life. I had no plan, just a lot of hope and a lot of passion for moving on. I knew few people here. I only knew that I had been to this grand place and fallen in love with it. Call it a feeling or an intuition, but I just knew deep within that there was "something" here for me.

I began my life here with enthusiasm. But inside I felt uncertain. I felt fear..no, I felt terror. What would happen to me? How would I make it? Who I would I meet? I heard the naysayers, the skeptics. I heard, but I chose not to listen. Instead, I worked every day on becoming the person who I knew was meant to be here. I had something to prove, but it took a while before I realized who I had to prove that something to. I was the only one who needed to see this through. I was the only one who really needed to believe. When I realized this, something happened. I found myself surrounded by amazing people and even more amazing experiences.

For years, I had shut myself down, hidden behind my own walls.  When I moved to Colorado I gave myself permission to be open to whatever was in front of me. I gave myself permission to say "YES!" And say "yes" I did. I opened my arms to new people and new ideas and new adventures. I gave up even more. I gave up worry and stress. I gave up judgement and fear. I gave up anger and bitterness. People have said to me.."how did you do what you did?" I have thought a lot about that. First, I made a choice. I would start my fifties in celebration of the great opportunity before me-the opportunity to change not just my own life, but the lives of others..the chance to make a difference. I finally understood what that meant. I chose not to live in the past, not to hate or be hurt anymore. I chose to stop each day and celebrate the beauty in life. I chose wholeheartedly to surround myself with people who raise me up, who raise this world up and bring positive light and energy to everyone around them. I chose to heal my life and help others heal theirs.

Deep in my soul I have found, here in Colorado, a true sense of peace and happiness. I have found my purpose and my passion. I live in the moment, however grand or small. I wake up with a renewed sense of enthusiasm for the day.

I know that it all happens for a reason. All of my heartaches and pain have brought me to this place, right here, right now. Each day is a lesson. I thank Spirit every morning for the blessings in my life, big and small. I knew there was "something" here for me..and I have found it. Its life, in all its grand and amazing splendor. Sometimes I have to pinch myself..its all that good. I do not know where this journey will take me next. I only know that I am so grateful for it all..the Rocky Mountain high continues...

This post is dedicated to my friend, Jennifer-may you rest forever in peace and know that your spirit lives on.

The Circle Of Life

My friend died on Saturday, August 18, 2012. She was 53 years old...much too young to be gone. At least to all of us humans here on this earth, that age does not fit with our idea of a long life or when death "should" occur. But what age IS the right age for death? 

I awoke Saturday and read in my morning spiritual passage that this could be "the best Saturday ever." And it seemed to be..a grand, glorious adventure sailing over the waters of the Caribbean, laughing and visiting pristine beaches with happy, joyful people. It was a magnificent day. Then I received the email that rattled my world. It contained just two simple words: "Jennifer died." And with those words, my soul began to search.

Why? I may never know the answer to the many "whys" that fill my mind. Why did she go so quickly? Why didn't death wait until I had seen her once more, my trip just 2 weeks away? Why did she die so young, with sons left to raise? And the biggest why I kept asking-why Jennifer? Why MY friend? The answers may not come clear to me, but I do know that they are there. Jennifer's death is as much a part of her life as her smile that lit up a room. 

I know for sure that we are all here to live full, abundant lives. As I reflect on Jennifer's life and the way she existed in this world, I am also sure that she lived fully and abundantly. She grabbed life with passion and shook it, wringing every bit of love, joy, laughter and goodness that she could find. She gave without expecting return..to everyone she met.  She was the glue, the leader, the friend.

In Jennifer's death, I see the circle of life complete. She was only 53..so young to die in our society's view. But she lived as full of a life as anyone I have ever met. I know there are lessons in this painful loss. I haven't seen them all yet, but I do know one. Whether 53 years old, or much younger, or much older, grab life. Don't wait. Live like there's no tomorrow. Love fiercely. Embrace everything.

"The best Saturday ever.."? I know that it WAS the best Saturday ever for Jennifer. And as the days slowly move on, I am beginning to realize that perhaps the reading that morning was correct. It was also my own best Saturday, for I was given a gift by a friend..a gift of wisdom. When we have given everything and lived our greatest life, whether 53 years old or much, much older, then the circle of life is complete. Jennifer showed us how to do this..and now her journey here is complete. It is our turn to live the lessons she taught us. 

Lifting The Fog...

Sometimes, as we coast through life, there is a fog. We may not even be aware that we are in a fog. This was how I lived, for many, many years. I wasn't seeing. I wasn't living. I wasn't even feeling. I was simply..existing. I went through the motions and I followed all the right rules. 


There are those other times in life when, almost miraculously, that fog begins to lift. If we are lucky..or maybe if we are just incredibly open to it and blessed, this fog begins to lift. I can tell you the minute my fog began to lift, but I can't tell you the cause. I just know where I stood that day and the feeling that I had. I had a sensation, or a "knowing", that I didnt have to live in this fog. It was a powerful feeling that encompassed my body both inside and out. I knew at that very moment that I had to start living my life, to find my way out of the fog.


Lifting the fog, emerging from the fog is not always easy. Oh, it can bring great pain. There are people who surrounded me who would have preferred that I stay in the fog. It was more comfortable for them..like seeks like. But I could no longer just survive. It was a burning..I couldnt hold it back any longer. 


It took incredible work, a force of sheer will, to move the fog..really, really move it. But what lay on the other side..oh let me tell you. Why do we keep this to ourselves? To be aware, to be living, to be thriving outside of the fog is magnificent!
What is even more thrilling is to be surrounded by people who are way outside of the fog, who live in the brightness and wrap the world in it. Like seeks like for sure!

One of "those" weeks..lessons in letting go...

It's been one of "those" kind of weeks, the kind where I hear one piece of bad news after another. Each day I woke up thinking today would be the day something good would happen, hoping it could erase yesterday's news. But as the week progressed, I realized-thats just not how it works.


I wanted to change situations, perhaps even change the people involved. As I spoke with a friend about one of the dilemnas, she told me to embrace the feeling..let it be. Hmmm..So I sat with it. I sat with the emotion, the pain and heartbreak of several pieces of news. I let myself feel sadness, anger, hurt. Then I began to slowly let it go. 


I could not change what has happening around me. But I could, in fact, change what was happening WITHIN me. Later in the week, I chose to spend time with people who I knew would get me back on track. There was no advice given, no conversation even of my week. That was not by accident. I chose to speak and act only from the positive while in their presence. It was incredible how I felt upon leaving. Surrounding myself with the energy and love of people who accept, who never judge(yes, NEVER), who see that it really is all good, was an amazingly powerful moment.


We can be eaten up and adversely affected by the negative in the world, whether it is people, events or circumstances. Or we can do this: we can look at the events in our lives and realize that all is happening for our greater good. We can let these events control us, or we can choose to stand in a powerful place and use everything for our good.


If I reflect back on anything that has happened in my life that, at that time, I thought was negative, I see this: I see that it has brought me here, to this place and this time. I see that it has brought me to the presence of incredible people and places..Each perceived negative has shifted to a positive with a lesson carried within it. 


So to end this week of upheaval and news, I shift my thinking..and I say: What a week! Let the lessons begin and the journey continue..all is good.

I'll Have It All Please..

Lately, when I share my desires, hopes or dreams, I sometimes hear these words in reply, "you cant have it all." EXCUSE ME??!! And could someone please tell me-Why the hell not? What a sad reply to make when someone shares their dreams. So, I considered exactly why people give this response.

Unfortunately many, if not most, people have ceased to dream, especially by this advanced age of 50. They get so caught up in their day to day lives, the stress and pressures of bill paying, going to an unfulfilling job, chores, etc. Dreaming is a distant memory. Even sadder is when a young person says the same words, "you cant have it all." If they are asked about their dreams and passions, often they look blankly. For some, the diminishing of their dreams happens in their childhood. For others, like myself, the ability to dream slowly erodes over time. BUT..it is never truly gone.

Recently, I was reminded that there is still a dream inside of me. It is never too late to dream and reach for that dream. What a sad world it would be if we all stopped dreaming. What a sad time it was for me when I had ceased to dream. Now that the world of dreams, hopes and passions has been reopened, its incredible. Its almost like a rebirth, an awakening. I can see what having it "all" really means and its beautiful. 

Looking outside this morning at one of God's most beautiful works of nature, listening to music, watching the flame flickering in my candles, I realized that I almost have it all.  I am blessed beyond belief. If I had not reawakened my dreams, my life would be so empty. Now it is full and I intend to keep on making it fuller. There is a world of possibility out there and dreams DO come true, no matter what your age. So Ill reach, grab it and have it ALL, thank you very much.