My friend died on Saturday, August 18, 2012. She was 53 years old...much too young to be gone. At least to all of us humans here on this earth, that age does not fit with our idea of a long life or when death "should" occur. But what age IS the right age for death?
I awoke Saturday and read in my morning spiritual passage that this could be "the best Saturday ever." And it seemed to be..a grand, glorious adventure sailing over the waters of the Caribbean, laughing and visiting pristine beaches with happy, joyful people. It was a magnificent day. Then I received the email that rattled my world. It contained just two simple words: "Jennifer died." And with those words, my soul began to search.
Why? I may never know the answer to the many "whys" that fill my mind. Why did she go so quickly? Why didn't death wait until I had seen her once more, my trip just 2 weeks away? Why did she die so young, with sons left to raise? And the biggest why I kept asking-why Jennifer? Why MY friend? The answers may not come clear to me, but I do know that they are there. Jennifer's death is as much a part of her life as her smile that lit up a room.
I know for sure that we are all here to live full, abundant lives. As I reflect on Jennifer's life and the way she existed in this world, I am also sure that she lived fully and abundantly. She grabbed life with passion and shook it, wringing every bit of love, joy, laughter and goodness that she could find. She gave without expecting return..to everyone she met. She was the glue, the leader, the friend.
In Jennifer's death, I see the circle of life complete. She was only 53..so young to die in our society's view. But she lived as full of a life as anyone I have ever met. I know there are lessons in this painful loss. I haven't seen them all yet, but I do know one. Whether 53 years old, or much younger, or much older, grab life. Don't wait. Live like there's no tomorrow. Love fiercely. Embrace everything.
"The best Saturday ever.."? I know that it WAS the best Saturday ever for Jennifer. And as the days slowly move on, I am beginning to realize that perhaps the reading that morning was correct. It was also my own best Saturday, for I was given a gift by a friend..a gift of wisdom. When we have given everything and lived our greatest life, whether 53 years old or much, much older, then the circle of life is complete. Jennifer showed us how to do this..and now her journey here is complete. It is our turn to live the lessons she taught us.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Lifting The Fog...
Sometimes, as we coast through life, there is a fog. We may not even be aware that we are in a fog. This was how I lived, for many, many years. I wasn't seeing. I wasn't living. I wasn't even feeling. I was simply..existing. I went through the motions and I followed all the right rules.
There are those other times in life when, almost miraculously, that fog begins to lift. If we are lucky..or maybe if we are just incredibly open to it and blessed, this fog begins to lift. I can tell you the minute my fog began to lift, but I can't tell you the cause. I just know where I stood that day and the feeling that I had. I had a sensation, or a "knowing", that I didnt have to live in this fog. It was a powerful feeling that encompassed my body both inside and out. I knew at that very moment that I had to start living my life, to find my way out of the fog.
Lifting the fog, emerging from the fog is not always easy. Oh, it can bring great pain. There are people who surrounded me who would have preferred that I stay in the fog. It was more comfortable for them..like seeks like. But I could no longer just survive. It was a burning..I couldnt hold it back any longer.
It took incredible work, a force of sheer will, to move the fog..really, really move it. But what lay on the other side..oh let me tell you. Why do we keep this to ourselves? To be aware, to be living, to be thriving outside of the fog is magnificent!
What is even more thrilling is to be surrounded by people who are way outside of the fog, who live in the brightness and wrap the world in it. Like seeks like for sure!
There are those other times in life when, almost miraculously, that fog begins to lift. If we are lucky..or maybe if we are just incredibly open to it and blessed, this fog begins to lift. I can tell you the minute my fog began to lift, but I can't tell you the cause. I just know where I stood that day and the feeling that I had. I had a sensation, or a "knowing", that I didnt have to live in this fog. It was a powerful feeling that encompassed my body both inside and out. I knew at that very moment that I had to start living my life, to find my way out of the fog.
Lifting the fog, emerging from the fog is not always easy. Oh, it can bring great pain. There are people who surrounded me who would have preferred that I stay in the fog. It was more comfortable for them..like seeks like. But I could no longer just survive. It was a burning..I couldnt hold it back any longer.
It took incredible work, a force of sheer will, to move the fog..really, really move it. But what lay on the other side..oh let me tell you. Why do we keep this to ourselves? To be aware, to be living, to be thriving outside of the fog is magnificent!
What is even more thrilling is to be surrounded by people who are way outside of the fog, who live in the brightness and wrap the world in it. Like seeks like for sure!
Friday, June 1, 2012
One of "those" weeks..lessons in letting go...
It's been one of "those" kind of weeks, the kind where I hear one piece of bad news after another. Each day I woke up thinking today would be the day something good would happen, hoping it could erase yesterday's news. But as the week progressed, I realized-thats just not how it works.
I wanted to change situations, perhaps even change the people involved. As I spoke with a friend about one of the dilemnas, she told me to embrace the feeling..let it be. Hmmm..So I sat with it. I sat with the emotion, the pain and heartbreak of several pieces of news. I let myself feel sadness, anger, hurt. Then I began to slowly let it go.
I could not change what has happening around me. But I could, in fact, change what was happening WITHIN me. Later in the week, I chose to spend time with people who I knew would get me back on track. There was no advice given, no conversation even of my week. That was not by accident. I chose to speak and act only from the positive while in their presence. It was incredible how I felt upon leaving. Surrounding myself with the energy and love of people who accept, who never judge(yes, NEVER), who see that it really is all good, was an amazingly powerful moment.
We can be eaten up and adversely affected by the negative in the world, whether it is people, events or circumstances. Or we can do this: we can look at the events in our lives and realize that all is happening for our greater good. We can let these events control us, or we can choose to stand in a powerful place and use everything for our good.
If I reflect back on anything that has happened in my life that, at that time, I thought was negative, I see this: I see that it has brought me here, to this place and this time. I see that it has brought me to the presence of incredible people and places..Each perceived negative has shifted to a positive with a lesson carried within it.
So to end this week of upheaval and news, I shift my thinking..and I say: What a week! Let the lessons begin and the journey continue..all is good.
I wanted to change situations, perhaps even change the people involved. As I spoke with a friend about one of the dilemnas, she told me to embrace the feeling..let it be. Hmmm..So I sat with it. I sat with the emotion, the pain and heartbreak of several pieces of news. I let myself feel sadness, anger, hurt. Then I began to slowly let it go.
I could not change what has happening around me. But I could, in fact, change what was happening WITHIN me. Later in the week, I chose to spend time with people who I knew would get me back on track. There was no advice given, no conversation even of my week. That was not by accident. I chose to speak and act only from the positive while in their presence. It was incredible how I felt upon leaving. Surrounding myself with the energy and love of people who accept, who never judge(yes, NEVER), who see that it really is all good, was an amazingly powerful moment.
We can be eaten up and adversely affected by the negative in the world, whether it is people, events or circumstances. Or we can do this: we can look at the events in our lives and realize that all is happening for our greater good. We can let these events control us, or we can choose to stand in a powerful place and use everything for our good.
If I reflect back on anything that has happened in my life that, at that time, I thought was negative, I see this: I see that it has brought me here, to this place and this time. I see that it has brought me to the presence of incredible people and places..Each perceived negative has shifted to a positive with a lesson carried within it.
So to end this week of upheaval and news, I shift my thinking..and I say: What a week! Let the lessons begin and the journey continue..all is good.
Friday, May 11, 2012
I'll Have It All Please..
Lately, when I share my desires, hopes or dreams, I sometimes hear these words in reply, "you cant have it all." EXCUSE ME??!! And could someone please tell me-Why the hell not? What a sad reply to make when someone shares their dreams. So, I considered exactly why people give this response.
Unfortunately many, if not most, people have ceased to dream, especially by this advanced age of 50. They get so caught up in their day to day lives, the stress and pressures of bill paying, going to an unfulfilling job, chores, etc. Dreaming is a distant memory. Even sadder is when a young person says the same words, "you cant have it all." If they are asked about their dreams and passions, often they look blankly. For some, the diminishing of their dreams happens in their childhood. For others, like myself, the ability to dream slowly erodes over time. BUT..it is never truly gone.
Recently, I was reminded that there is still a dream inside of me. It is never too late to dream and reach for that dream. What a sad world it would be if we all stopped dreaming. What a sad time it was for me when I had ceased to dream. Now that the world of dreams, hopes and passions has been reopened, its incredible. Its almost like a rebirth, an awakening. I can see what having it "all" really means and its beautiful.
Looking outside this morning at one of God's most beautiful works of nature, listening to music, watching the flame flickering in my candles, I realized that I almost have it all. I am blessed beyond belief. If I had not reawakened my dreams, my life would be so empty. Now it is full and I intend to keep on making it fuller. There is a world of possibility out there and dreams DO come true, no matter what your age. So Ill reach, grab it and have it ALL, thank you very much.
Monday, April 30, 2012
MY Voice
I hear it sometimes, still. I hear it in my sleep. I hear it when I linger at the grocery store. I hear it when I'm enjoying a cup of tea. I hear it when I'm playing. I used to hear it constantly. It is that voice, the one I long to banish. It's that voice that tells me who I can be, what I can do, how I should act. It is that sound, that noise in my mind, that limits me.
We have probably all held a voice like this in our minds, letting it control our actions and hold onto our fears. Newsflash-this voice serves no purpose except to cling to limitations. To push the voice away, to bury it, is to release the past. It means to open up a whole new world and let yourself be. How frightening this can seem. I choose to change that word: frightening. Instead, releasing that voice will be exhilarating! The release lets go of pain, fear, rejection.
In releasing this voice that holds us down, we give ourselves permission to be who we were meant to be. There is only one voice to be listened to-our own voice. Perhaps we haven't really heard our own voice since we were a little child. It is still there..it can sing again.
Today, I knew that voice, the one that haunted me in my sleep, was almost gone. I played some beautiful music, opened the windows, heard the birds singing..and I danced. I danced by myself. I closed my eyes and I listened. Then I slowly I began to hear it..the voice I had been waiting for-MY voice.
We have probably all held a voice like this in our minds, letting it control our actions and hold onto our fears. Newsflash-this voice serves no purpose except to cling to limitations. To push the voice away, to bury it, is to release the past. It means to open up a whole new world and let yourself be. How frightening this can seem. I choose to change that word: frightening. Instead, releasing that voice will be exhilarating! The release lets go of pain, fear, rejection.
In releasing this voice that holds us down, we give ourselves permission to be who we were meant to be. There is only one voice to be listened to-our own voice. Perhaps we haven't really heard our own voice since we were a little child. It is still there..it can sing again.
Today, I knew that voice, the one that haunted me in my sleep, was almost gone. I played some beautiful music, opened the windows, heard the birds singing..and I danced. I danced by myself. I closed my eyes and I listened. Then I slowly I began to hear it..the voice I had been waiting for-MY voice.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
There Is No "fine.."
Thats it. Ive had it. The next person who tells me "you'll be fine" had better look out. Websters defines the word "fine" as-"very well." HUH? Who truly wants to be just fine? What a boring, bland word. Step it up, people!
Here's what I want to be..no, change that-here's what I WILL be-damn awesome! Now, there's a word..or :excellent, magnificent, amazing, great, superb..the list could go on. Haven't many of us stood on the sidelines for far too long being "fine"? I spent too many years languishing in the status quo, living in fear of a mistake if I stepped too far outside of "fine." It's time to embrace mistakes, glorious, life altering mistakes!
Is there a box to step out of? I dont think so, at least not for me..no box, no limits on where I can go, who I can be. We are all meant to do great things..who are we to settle for "fine?" There can be no settling, or else, what really is our purpose? Its time to stop playing small. The world has no time for smallness and limits, and neither do I!
"When you're always trying to conform to the norm, you lose your uniqueness, which can be the foundation for your greatness." Dale Archer
Here's what I want to be..no, change that-here's what I WILL be-damn awesome! Now, there's a word..or :excellent, magnificent, amazing, great, superb..the list could go on. Haven't many of us stood on the sidelines for far too long being "fine"? I spent too many years languishing in the status quo, living in fear of a mistake if I stepped too far outside of "fine." It's time to embrace mistakes, glorious, life altering mistakes!
Is there a box to step out of? I dont think so, at least not for me..no box, no limits on where I can go, who I can be. We are all meant to do great things..who are we to settle for "fine?" There can be no settling, or else, what really is our purpose? Its time to stop playing small. The world has no time for smallness and limits, and neither do I!
"When you're always trying to conform to the norm, you lose your uniqueness, which can be the foundation for your greatness." Dale Archer
Monday, April 23, 2012
Rejoice
Sunday came and went and renewed me..as it has done for the past several months. Previously, Sunday had been a day of dread, a day of guilt, a day that made me tired. Now it has become, for me, my favorite time. It is when I connect with people who lift me up, when I feel the Presence of the Divine..and in the process we lift the world up.
In this spiritual community I have found an openness and an acceptance that I had never experienced. There is no fear of who I am or where Ive been. We are all bound together, and in this place where voices sing, bodies dance and hands are clasped together, I have found a home.
When I washed up on the shores of this incredible place nestled in the mountains outside of Denver, I was amazed to realize that people like these were really here..they do exist! As I went about the business of making new friends, I have found that the people I am drawn to are the people I spend my Sundays with. They are laughter and joy and they celebrate life in the way we were intended to. After hours in this haven, I welcome the rest of my Sunday energized and ready to make a difference.
A couple quotes that led me to write todays post are written below..how true they are...
"Freedom lies in separating yourself from your story." Deepak Chopra
"You repossess your life when you laugh at the things that try to destroy you." Toni Morrison
AND..one of my all time favorites:
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize that there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." Lao-tzu
I am blessed..
In this spiritual community I have found an openness and an acceptance that I had never experienced. There is no fear of who I am or where Ive been. We are all bound together, and in this place where voices sing, bodies dance and hands are clasped together, I have found a home.
When I washed up on the shores of this incredible place nestled in the mountains outside of Denver, I was amazed to realize that people like these were really here..they do exist! As I went about the business of making new friends, I have found that the people I am drawn to are the people I spend my Sundays with. They are laughter and joy and they celebrate life in the way we were intended to. After hours in this haven, I welcome the rest of my Sunday energized and ready to make a difference.
A couple quotes that led me to write todays post are written below..how true they are...
"Freedom lies in separating yourself from your story." Deepak Chopra
"You repossess your life when you laugh at the things that try to destroy you." Toni Morrison
AND..one of my all time favorites:
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize that there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." Lao-tzu
I am blessed..
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Magnificence
I sit quietly, savoring my new morning ritual. I did not come by it easily. In fact, I fought it. Living for over two decades with a rock in my stomach does not bode well for relaxation. How often did I tell myself that, yes, I am relaxing? Perhaps I was sitting in the sun, enjoying a glass of wine. Maybe I was curled up on the sofa with a good book. But how wrong I was..for I never knew, as I lived with that rock, what quiet and relaxation really were.It took life changes.
It took training. It took the little voice in my head, that finally told me after 50 years of life, "you are important. Save yourself." Kind of sounds melodramatic. But, in reality, its not at all. Its plain and simple truth. Learning to be still, to be quiet, to reflect on the sounds I hear(or dont hear) has, quite literally, saved my life. Oh, Im not too good at it yet.
The first time I tried to meditate, to be still, I gave it 30 minutes. I felt as if my skin was crawling. How do people do this? The Dalai Lama meditates for six hours a day. SIX HOURS!! Ok, I dont aspire to BE the Dalai Lama or to meditate for six hours, but still....So now I try a two fold approach.
I wake up early(not a problem for an insomniac). I make tea..which is really much more relaxing than coffee. I open my window..and I listen. If its past 7 am, I will hear cars, yes. But I hear birds..and what I see..oh what I see. I see the Rocky Mountains, the grand and glorious mountains. The creation of this beauty was surely one of God's grandest moments. I sit quietly and I reflect on what I have..and express gratitude, even for the sounds of those cars as they hum down the highway. I have my phone off, tv off, computer off. At first this was a strange feeling, this disconnect. Now, it is simply beautiful. It is, almost always, the best part of my day.
We are here, simply, to be magnificent. To do this, we have to reflect on the magnificence of this world, the beauty we have been given. When the problems or the stresses of the week are weighing on me, this morning time gives me a chance to remember that this is all a part of my journey. It is all for my greater good..and I am blessed.
April 19, 2012
It took training. It took the little voice in my head, that finally told me after 50 years of life, "you are important. Save yourself." Kind of sounds melodramatic. But, in reality, its not at all. Its plain and simple truth. Learning to be still, to be quiet, to reflect on the sounds I hear(or dont hear) has, quite literally, saved my life. Oh, Im not too good at it yet.
The first time I tried to meditate, to be still, I gave it 30 minutes. I felt as if my skin was crawling. How do people do this? The Dalai Lama meditates for six hours a day. SIX HOURS!! Ok, I dont aspire to BE the Dalai Lama or to meditate for six hours, but still....So now I try a two fold approach.
I wake up early(not a problem for an insomniac). I make tea..which is really much more relaxing than coffee. I open my window..and I listen. If its past 7 am, I will hear cars, yes. But I hear birds..and what I see..oh what I see. I see the Rocky Mountains, the grand and glorious mountains. The creation of this beauty was surely one of God's grandest moments. I sit quietly and I reflect on what I have..and express gratitude, even for the sounds of those cars as they hum down the highway. I have my phone off, tv off, computer off. At first this was a strange feeling, this disconnect. Now, it is simply beautiful. It is, almost always, the best part of my day.
We are here, simply, to be magnificent. To do this, we have to reflect on the magnificence of this world, the beauty we have been given. When the problems or the stresses of the week are weighing on me, this morning time gives me a chance to remember that this is all a part of my journey. It is all for my greater good..and I am blessed.
April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Beautiful Adventure is a new blog, created out of my desire to share my experiences in what became a crazy life, no holds barred. There has been joy and sadness, laughter and tears...but its been a "beautiful adventure."
What I have learned along the way is that it is ALL beautiful..that I have choices in creating an amazing future. Ive been inspired by people and places..Now, I want to share, to let others know that whatever it is they think about, dream about, cry and laugh about, they can have it..Its about stepping out of the comfort zone and living the best life we can.
Its still a long road, with many twists and turns. But with this wisdom I have been blessed with and a belief in the beauty of this life, there can be nothing holding me back. No regrets ever again. Its time to live!
What I have learned along the way is that it is ALL beautiful..that I have choices in creating an amazing future. Ive been inspired by people and places..Now, I want to share, to let others know that whatever it is they think about, dream about, cry and laugh about, they can have it..Its about stepping out of the comfort zone and living the best life we can.
Its still a long road, with many twists and turns. But with this wisdom I have been blessed with and a belief in the beauty of this life, there can be nothing holding me back. No regrets ever again. Its time to live!
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