Stop the denial-abuse is NEVER ok!

Abuse-"to treat in a harmful, injurious or offensive way"... "to use wrongly or improperly; misuse".

So there you have it..its not really complicated. Yet, in the wake of the Ray Rice crime(and yes it IS a crime) there are people asking questions that deflect attention from the core issue-"Why did she stay?" "What did she do to deserve that?" "How could she have avoided that?" "How can they save their marriage?"  There is only one answer to all of those questions-IT DOESNT MATTER!!!  NOT ONE BIT!!

If you have never felt frightened by the person who swore to love you to the end of time, who vowed to protect you, support you and stand by your side, then you have no basis to weigh in on this womans decisions. If you have felt that emotion, the fear, the terror, the uncertainty, the absolute degradation of your self worth, then maybe you know why Janay is with Ray Rice. But maybe you dont..because as human beings we want to look at others in crisis, in a horrifying situation, and deny that could be us, or WAS us. We want to believe that we would act different, we would leave..Or IF we did leave, we want to question why Janay could stay. How could she sit at a press conference and defend him?

I know why she defends him. What we saw on the video is most likely just the tip of the iceberg. We didnt hear his words(abuse is far from only physical) on the video. We dont know what transpires between them at home, behind closed doors. My skin just crawled at the thought.  She defends him because she is broken..she is hanging on in the only way she knows how. Its all she knows. Its all she believes she is worth.

I believe Janay is terrified..of an unsure future, of the next time it happens, of what will happen if she attempts to leave him. When she speaks, look beyond her words. Look in her eyes. And what I ask you to feel is this..Feel outrage. Feel outrage at a society that asked all the questions I posed above, questions asked of the VICTIM. We have no right to ask those questions! Instead feel outrage at a world that doesnt respond to a powerful man with appropriate action. He lost his job with the Baltimore Ravens.(thats IT?)  I pray Janay does not lose her life.

If by any chance Janay can hear me..I would say to her: You are worth so much more. Whatever fear and uncertainty you feel, you can do it.  There is real love out there and you deserve that. You do not deserve abuse, physical, verbal or emotional. To any woman out there who is experiencing ANY sort of abuse-you are worth so much more than what you are receiving. There is NOTHING you have done to deserve this abuse. Believe that. Believe in yourself. And to the rest of the world-I would ask that you pray to give these women strength to believe that they can do this-that they can stand up and say ENOUGH. And I pray that we can be there for them..and try to understand their pain. Look in Janays eyes and you WILL begin to understand.

Independence Day...always.

Another Independence Day has come and gone. And with it, the booms and bangs and sparklers and colorful lights filling the sky have ended. There is a sort of silence, a calmness permeating the air. Even the trees have stilled and the heat of July causes everything to move so slow..

I sat in the stillness as the city quieted after this festive holiday and reflected on freedom and independence, and what those two words really mean to me. Websters defines independence as "freedom from the control, influence, support, or the like, of others." And freedom: "the state of being free or at liberty..", "exemption from external control..", and my personal favorite, "the power to determine action without restraint."

Well, of course,  I can determine my own actions without restraint. I don't let anyone else tell me what to do. How simplistic this definition appears at first. And then, as I sat, I realized how often I have acted, or NOT, based on the restraints I created for myself. For I believe that ALL restraints on our actions, or inactions, are self imposed. We can blame, accuse, point fingers and rant all we want about the so called restraints we think are imposed on us by others. But the truth of the matter is, those are not the restraints that hinder our personal freedom. 

The restraints that keep us small are within, our self imposed beliefs about who we are and what we can(or cant) do. When I think about a restraint that I have felt on my way to achieving my goals and dreams, and if Im honest with myself, that restraint was put there by only one person:ME! What's holding me  back? Its not something that has been put here by some law, or some other party outside of myself. No, the common denominator in all of my actions, or inactions, is me. Its not time, or money, or my neighbor, or my job, or a law, or who's the President, or whether its too hot today, or whether I got enough sleep last night.  Its just simply ME, and what lies within. 

Only I can really know whether I am experiencing true independence, true freedom. When I let go of the restraints, release the excuses and take responsibility for my own dreams, I am truly free. All of the choices are mine. Its a beautiful life in an extraordinary world..and I am free to choose in every single moment that I will walk on this planet without restraint. 

Here's to freedom and living big! Happy Independence Day..every day!

Gratitude..Let There Be Laughter

It's been an interesting month..the ups, and some pretty big downs, just keep coming.  What to do? Well, I must admit, there were times when I literally curled up in a ball and wallowed. I didn't stay there for long because, to be honest, that just feels like dog doo doo!

There were other times when I drove across town to my friend's house- to have company, an ear to listen and just so as not to be alone.  Sometimes there was laughter, the kind of laughs that come over nothing. The laughter would come sometimes at the most inappropriate times, which of course makes it all that much better. But the laughter was soothing..It brought me out of the low places.

Other times it would be a series of texts from a friend far away..mostly poking fun and joking. Sometimes these texts had me laughing so hard, sitting all alone, that I couldn't breathe. Is there anything better than that laughter that simply wont stop? It cleanses and soothes and makes everything all better, even if for just that moment.

With this laughter, whether it was in person or through the words on my phone, I felt everything WAS getting better. I have an interesting habit of walking in the world and seeing humor in almost any situation.  Yet what I wasn't doing was laughing at my own situation...I was taking my own self way too seriously. It wasn't just about lightening up. It was about forgetting to see the fun and the humor in whatever life throws in my path.

I do not usually watch sitcoms..just not my thing. But one night I decided to give it a try..and it worked. The sitcom was so ridiculously stupid and silly that I found myself laughing out loud..and it felt good! Combine that with my phone pinging with crazy texts and I literally couldn't stop laughing.  For a time I didn't have a care in the world.

So, when life throws us curveballs, which it is bound to do, seek out the laughter wherever you can. Let the people around you know that you need it..trust me, there is always someone who is ready to provide the laughs. Laughter is like no other balm..it gives perspective and if someone is happy to provide the laughs to lift you up-trust me, you've got a great friend!


This post is dedicated to Cindy, Carol & Marissa-always ready to see how hard they can get me to laugh.

Grateful for the Questions Inside the Silence

Silence-it can be so disconcerting. How to fill it..should I speak? Turn on the tv? Listen to music? Talk to myself? Make a phone call? Turn on the volume on my computer? I was pondering this idea of our inability to just "be" in silence. As a society we are inundated with constant noise. We are numb, immune to it. I even turn on music during my morning "quiet" time, that time in the day that I have reserved for spiritual practice an d meditation. Granted, the music I play is soothing and uplifting. But even still, I wondered-why do I feel the need to immediately turn this sound on and have it fill my mind. What am I missing when I do that?

So, I stopped. I turned the music off and I sat. I sat in the chair given to me by two of my most loving friends. And I thought of them. I thought of how they got to this amazing place they are at in their lives. I thought about how much this little rocking chair that I sat in meant to them. I thought of their journey..it made me smile. Thinking of these two people brought a question to mind..what is my own journey? Am I on track? Whats next?  In the silence I let the questions sit. I did not demand an answer. I know the answer is already there.

In the silence, I heard my breath. I closed my eyes and waited for whatever questions, or answers, came to me. Maybe, I realized, there are no answers. It is all just a series of questions and our journey is just the exploration of these questions. It is a journey of seeking. While in this silence, I simply relaxed and let the silence wash over me. I was entranced by what I heard in that silence. Yes, more questions. But I knew in that beautiful, magical silent moment, that I could embrace those questions, for in the unknown is my journey. So, I am in gratitude for all of the questions on this road, for in those unknown moments IS my journey..and what an amazing life it can be when I embrace it all!

The Beauty Inside A Friendship

Ahhh..those moments when we feel so human, and oh so alone. Have you ever had one, or two, of those? Those searing, painful moments when you are sure that no one "gets" you...Yep, I've had a few of those lately. My mind and my heart conflicted, that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, a sort of physical, bodily alert system.

And yet, I couldn't hear what my heart and my body were telling me. I was just feeling SO human. And just when I thought there couldn't possibly be an answer, the phone rings. A friend who doesn't just listen, but brings me back to who I am, why I'm here, why we are all here. I am reminded of how far I've come, and yes, how far I have yet to go.

I pondered the idea of friendship this morning and what it really means. There are friends who I see maybe once a year, or less..and yet I know, without a doubt, that at a time of need or a time of celebration, these friends are there, cheering me on, sharing the laughter and the tears with me.  There are new friends whose connection was immediate and intense. There is a knowing that we will be there and we will get through together. And there is the knowing of how fortunate we are to have a new being in our lives, to travel this journey with.

There is the friend who invites me to sleep over, because that's what girls do when they're up, or when they're down. There is chocolate and wine and long walks. Sometimes there is lots of talk, and sometimes there is silence, and it is all perfect. There is laughter and tears and the complete knowledge that either one is right in that moment. There is blunt talk and the pointed reminder again of who I am and what I am worth. How easy it can be to forget that truth.

Friendship is truth; friendship is love. Friendship is being there for whatever is needed. Friendship is calling me out when I put up my shield. Friendship is seeing my brilliance and reminding me of it. Friendship is a connection that pain and heartache cannot break.

I am so grateful today for friendship..As I walk along this journey, I thank the Universe for giving me the amazing people who have joined my path with all of its twists and turns..together the journey is even more joyous.

Gratitude..for the music

Today, it is cold!! Just so darned cold that the thought of venturing outside makes me..well..shiver! So I decided that, as I worked, I would brighten the winter mood and turn some music on. The first song that came blaring over the airwaves was one by REO Speedwagon(dont laugh! I LOVE them!)..The song just happened to be one that a dear friend had once said reminded him of me..So I smiled. And I began to think about all the ways that music touches my life.

The first thing I do every single morning is meditate. There are days when I revel in the silence and stillness of the early morning. And there are other days when I feel called to listen to some calming background music, something inspirational, something that helps me remember. This music calms and soothes my soul.

There is the music that I turn on throughout the day that makes me dance, an upbeat country song, or heaven forbid, yes, even a disco song! Music is all around me, sometimes attacking my senses without my awareness. A favorite song on one day is not so favorite the next day. Music matches my mood.

Somedays the music is a bird I hear singing as I walk. When I hear that precious sound, I am reminded to slow down, be deliberate, be aware. Always the sounds of nature singing bring a smile to my heart.

Music can remind us of days past, good times or sad times. Songs bring us back to our childhood or back to an old friend. They remind us of past loves and heartbreaks. And sometimes music doesn't bring me back to anything..it only brings me present. And there are those times when the only music I hear is the song in my soul, the melody that is constantly changing. It is that song that helps me remember..and I am so grateful for it.


Note-this post is dedicated to my friend, Quinn- the person who reminded me that I have a song to sing. You heard the music in me when I didnt know there was any music. I miss you my friend..thank you! And just for you-(because I KNOW how much you like REO!)-"You may not know this, but you are everything you've ever needed....I can see where youre going but I dont really know the way....So if you wanna go, let me go along. Ill never walk that road alone...."

Gratitude-Medicine In All Its Forms

I have been fighting against Western medicine for the past couple of years. After a serious health issue several years ago, I vowed that I would not be put on any more pills. Although my prescribed medication at the time was necessary, I did not want any more. I wanted there to be another way. So when other health issues arose, I sought natural remedies.

With guidance and direction, the natural remedies seemed to be making a difference. Combined with major lifestyle changes, I felt healthy and vibrant. I found spiritual avenues to support my path. Yet, just when I felt healthier than ever, another health challenge hit. I had decisons to make..I wanted to dig in, to deny that traditional Western medicine was the answer. Alternative(natural) remedies had made a difference, but it was not enough.

In a conversation with someone I greatly respect, who lives a very healthy, clean life, she said words to me about my dilemna that resonated. In regards to my internal conflict on whether to pursue a traditional remedy, she simply said to me, "Everything is God made manifest." LIGHTNING BOLT!!

There is a place for all things and Western medicine is a gift when used appropriately. I am grateful that knowledgeable doctors were available last week to care for me. I am grateful that there is something that will complement my natural regimen to bring my health back.

I am grateful for all of it, for the great minds that seek out answers, for the knowledge available to help. It is ALL God made manifest.

Finding My Tribe..

Several years ago, I went through a serious health challenge. As I lay in a hospital bed, terrified, far from my parents and siblings, I realized-"I am alone." I had lived in that particular city for 23 years and yet, in the midst of emotional, and then physical crisis, I had noone(NOONE!) to call. How had this happened? How did I end up in this lonely situation? I had plenty of friends, a wide circle of acquaintances. But I had the sudden and shocking realization that there was an emptiness..something was just not there.

Cue my life forward a few years to last Friday, January 17, 2014. I once again found myself in a hospital bed, experiencing a physical health challenge. And yet, as the day transpired, I was clear on several fronts: who to call, who would be by my side, who would phone me and/or text etc. But mainly I was juar so clear and so sure that these people in my life would be there. I knew this without hesitation, without one doubt. Without even speaking to these people, I could feel deep within that they were with me.

I have been thinking a lot about this the last couple of days. I realized that even though I was nervous and scared last Friday, I felt a deep sense of peace, a knowing, while I went through medical tests and waited for the answer to what was happening. I am so grateful for that peace that came from the knowledge that I am loved and supported in this new place I call home. I am so incredibly thankful that I have found this..or perhaps it found me. Gratitude fills my heart today to know that at the age of 52 I am home..I have found my tribe.

My wish is for everyone who searches to find their home, their tribe..it is out there and it is searching for you too.

Blessings

The Breath That Centers

Jan 6, 2013..Today I focus on breath. Several years ago, before I moved to Colorado, and during a stressful time in my life, I was not aware of my breath. As I reflect on that time now, I realize that I was, in fact, not really breathing. There were times when I was actually holding my breath. My body was tensed, the breaths were infrequent.

As I learned the importance of breathing, really breathing, I find that whatever comes up for me-some upset, a stressful day, illness etc, it is greatly lessened by simply remembering to breath. Today, I am so grateful for breath and for learning to breathe through life. This is like a muscle..it takes practice and reprogramming.  I dont just do this randomly. I make a point to remember to do it. I consciously practice this several times a day. 

Last Saturday morning, I was driving to a meeting at 7:45 am. As I drove on the ramp to the interstate a truck behind me began honking-nonstop. He honked and honked until I exited the ramp onto the highway. He then zoomed around me, craned his neck toward my car and was shaking his hand and screaming at me as he whizzed on by. I have no idea what brought on this display and it doesnt matter.  Years ago, an incident like this would have knotted my stomach and upset me. Instead, this Saturday morning, I simply smiled at this raging man and breathed. I continued my day and did not let the incident rattle me. I did silently wish him peace on his lifes journey. I truly felt compassion for someone whose Saturday morning had started in such a way as to make him so angry.

There have been times in my life when I could have used a lesson in breathing..for it truly does bring me back to my heart. It clears my mind and my body. I breathe and silently affirm what I am breathing in. I breathe again and silently affirm what I am breathing out. 

I am so grateful today for breathing, for the breath that brings me back to my heart, to my center.

Today, I breathe in strength. I breathe out love.

Gratitude for 2014

I am amazed that I have not written in this blog since April 2013. I have no reason why, but something I read today made me realize it was time to get back to it.

Each evening, and each morning, I journal. Before I go to sleep, I sit in my bed and write 3 things that I am grateful for that day. I follow that with my thoughts or words, sort of a visioning exercise. My morning ritual consists of journaling followed by meditation. More often than not, my morning journaling is more extensive and detailed. This has worked for me, except for those days when..well..it doesnt! Those days are usually the ones in which I find myself up against something-a tough time. Although I KNOW there are things to write down, things to be grateful for, my mind dismisses the exercise. So, I have decided that in order to express gratitude, consistency is key! Putting this commitment to consistency out in this public blog will hold me accountable.

So, I am commiting to a gratitude blog daily in 2014. I know this wont always be easy and/or convenient. But Im willing to push through the excuses and make this happen. If you want to join me, please let me know. You wont regret it! I have a feeling about this..I sense an incredible journey awaits.

Today, I am in gratitude for friends..for friends who listen, for friends who hold me accountable, for friends who challenge me to be my best self. I have seen people come into my life in the last couple of years who have blown me away with who they are. I am grateful for this community of aware, loving, conscious, and just damn GOOD people.

So there you have it..Heres to gratitude in 2014. Love & blessings to all.