Abuse-"to treat in a harmful, injurious or offensive way"... "to use wrongly or improperly; misuse".
So there you have it..its not really complicated. Yet, in the wake of the Ray Rice crime(and yes it IS a crime) there are people asking questions that deflect attention from the core issue-"Why did she stay?" "What did she do to deserve that?" "How could she have avoided that?" "How can they save their marriage?" There is only one answer to all of those questions-IT DOESNT MATTER!!! NOT ONE BIT!!
If you have never felt frightened by the person who swore to love you to the end of time, who vowed to protect you, support you and stand by your side, then you have no basis to weigh in on this womans decisions. If you have felt that emotion, the fear, the terror, the uncertainty, the absolute degradation of your self worth, then maybe you know why Janay is with Ray Rice. But maybe you dont..because as human beings we want to look at others in crisis, in a horrifying situation, and deny that could be us, or WAS us. We want to believe that we would act different, we would leave..Or IF we did leave, we want to question why Janay could stay. How could she sit at a press conference and defend him?
I know why she defends him. What we saw on the video is most likely just the tip of the iceberg. We didnt hear his words(abuse is far from only physical) on the video. We dont know what transpires between them at home, behind closed doors. My skin just crawled at the thought. She defends him because she is broken..she is hanging on in the only way she knows how. Its all she knows. Its all she believes she is worth.
I believe Janay is terrified..of an unsure future, of the next time it happens, of what will happen if she attempts to leave him. When she speaks, look beyond her words. Look in her eyes. And what I ask you to feel is this..Feel outrage. Feel outrage at a society that asked all the questions I posed above, questions asked of the VICTIM. We have no right to ask those questions! Instead feel outrage at a world that doesnt respond to a powerful man with appropriate action. He lost his job with the Baltimore Ravens.(thats IT?) I pray Janay does not lose her life.
If by any chance Janay can hear me..I would say to her: You are worth so much more. Whatever fear and uncertainty you feel, you can do it. There is real love out there and you deserve that. You do not deserve abuse, physical, verbal or emotional. To any woman out there who is experiencing ANY sort of abuse-you are worth so much more than what you are receiving. There is NOTHING you have done to deserve this abuse. Believe that. Believe in yourself. And to the rest of the world-I would ask that you pray to give these women strength to believe that they can do this-that they can stand up and say ENOUGH. And I pray that we can be there for them..and try to understand their pain. Look in Janays eyes and you WILL begin to understand.
