What is a friend? Im sure we all have different definitions. But are there certain attributes that we look for, or accept in friends? Are there things we can all agree with ? And are there signs when a friendship has gone toxic and/or run its' course?
I have thought about this a lot lately as I've chatted with lifelong friends, as well as new friends. Ive reflected on why my 7th grade best friend and I STILL, after all these years, have a strong connection, and a great love and acceptance of each other. I thought about it after a phone call with a friend who I met in the 1st grade, and I contemplated how open and honest and vulnerable we are with each other. Then there's the newer friend, who I've known just 3 years. As we both navigate on our journey and its ups and downs, we are there for each other, no questions asked. We are always reminding each other of the truth of who we are. When one of us forgets, the other one lifts up.
I've thought about friendship a lot as people drift away, by choice or circumstance. I've looked at my own journey and what purpose I have served in others lives and what purpose they have served in mine. For there are no accidents. We meet people for a reason..oh the lessons!
I began a treacherous, exciting, scary journey some years back. Along the way, old friends have popped back into my life. We have laughed and cried and celebrated each others victories and lessons together. There was no expectation except that we really saw each other..there was great love..unconditional..never wavering. On this journey, I have made new friends, amazing beings. People who are there always, whether to have fun, share a giggle, cry over pain, or laugh till our sides hurt. But mostly they are the people who, without condition, simply are there. They ask nothing in return, just as I ask nothing of them in return. We simply are...friends.
Of course along this journey I have met those who I only thought were friends..and perhaps they were, for a time. But as I grew and learned more about this journey, they retreated. They blamed, they put conditions on friendships. In short, they became toxic. I needed to "earn" their friendship and approval. I see now that this is their own fear. I am willing to lay it all out in my life and in my friendships. I am learning each and every day how to be a better person, friend, sister, daughter, partner.
So friendship..what is it? It is two people connecting, coming together, loving unconditionally. It is knowing that today, you may need me more than I need you. But tomorrow I may need you desperately. It is seeing the good and the right in my friends and accepting them, warts and all! It is knowing that my friend does not have to live or love or do anything MY way. She only has to follow her own heart, and I will be there along the path to support. Friendship is knowing that when I show my flaws, or make mistakes, that I am still loved and embraced. And vice versa. Friendship is knowing that I won't hold a grudge..that I am ok with saying "so what" when things arent perfect. Friendship is being able to see whats really important..the love between us.
Here's to the people who blasted into my life in the last few months and see me as I see them, whose wisdom and love and total acceptance has changed my world and taught me to look deeper, play harder and love bigger. Heres to the friends from childhood who still connect; who are true soul friends. Heres to ALL of the friends who love and live without conditions. Heres to welcoming in those beautiful people. And here's to growing and learning and acceptance!
This blog is dedicated to Shaun and Carol B. and Laurie...thank you for teaching and sharing and guiding and laughing....and loving me through it! You define unconditional friendship!
